Gustav Klimt's final masterpiece

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Three years ago, I biked into a curb and fell on my head. When I got up, I couldn’t remember where I was, so I called an ambulance, which drove me to the nearest hospital, which was apparently one block away. The emergency room doctors told me there was nothing they could do. My eye was swollen, but my face seemed otherwise normal, and they wouldn’t know if anything was wrong with my brain unless they ran a CAT scan, which would expose me to toxic radiation. I asked if there were any nontoxic tests they could run for free. They offered to run a blood panel, which would let me know if I had any STIs. I let them bind my forearm, which had nothing to do with my head.

The next day, the doctor sent a message through the hospital’s online portal. My tests all came back negative, but they had also run a nutrient panel, and I was deficient in B12. I started googling. “Fell off bike low B12?” Everything that came up was random; I might as well have strung together any other combination of five words. I wanted to google more, but the doctor had told me that the internet was bad for my concussion. So I forgot about my deficiency and tried hard to make my body do nothing, which was the only way for it to heal.

Things got better. I started to feel normal, and eventually I was allowed to google as much as I wanted. Years went by. And then one day at a café, I met a man—a comedian—who told me horror stories about his life as a former vegan. His hair had fallen out, he was exhausted, his mood was always sour, and it was all because of vitamins: he could never get enough of them. While he complained, I felt my hairline receding; I was a vegan, too. And when I thought about it, really thought about it, my personality was on the decline. I was always struggling to make my days have meaning, and I wore my meaninglessness like a divine premonition. (“I have a feeling,” I texted a friend, “that something bad, really bad, is going to happen.”) I remembered the emergency room doctor’s diagnosis and felt the empty place inside of me where all the B12 supplements should have been, leeching into my bloodstream.

I tried to make a doctor’s appointment, but I had moved to California, and my insurance only covered care in New York. My body was on the West Coast, but all the tools I had for reading it were on the East. I told my father I was coming home to visit him, and when I arrived, asked him to drop me off at urgent care.

It all started with Roy and Ray’s trip down the Seine…

Seven years since it happened, we return to the most significant moment in the England men’s national team’s recent history: crippling humiliation at the hands of Iceland!

Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim reflect on the Three Lions’ lowest ebb, just how much it paved the way for Gareth Southgate’s success, and how many Freddos Wayne Rooney could have bought for each member of the Iceland population on his salary per week.

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From Grace Jones to Madonna, the trope of the drama-loving diva is everywhere

April 21 – June 24, 2023

For our series Making of a Poem, we’re asking poets to dissect the poems they’ve published in our pages. Leopoldine Core’s “Ex-Stewardess” appears in our new Summer issue, no. 244.

How did this poem start for you? Was it with an image, an idea, a phrase, or something else?

Often a poem begins wordlessly. It’s as if the text is a reply to some cryptic spot in the back of my brain that I have become attracted to. I’m alerted to the presence of something that isn’t solid. It has more to do with feeling, tempo, scale, and temperature. I’m so focused on that emanating region that, even though I’m using words, my experience—the start of it—is wordless and meditative.

How did writing the first draft feel to you? Did it come easily, or was it difficult to write? (Are there hard and easy poems?)

Introducing Marvel’s newest superhero, played by Luke Moore: The Begrudger.

Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim discuss footballers at Glastonbury, Pete’s dream about Joelinton, and Odion Ighalo’s golden throne in Saudi Arabia. What on earth is happening.

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From Stevie Nicks to Taylor Swift, the floaty rock-goddess aesthetic endures

Reasons Why Arsenal Should Sign Nicolo Barella Instead of Declan Rice

Signing Nicolo Barella instead of Declan Rice would bring a host of benefits to Arsenal. His versatility, offensive contribution, passing ability, energy, and durability makes him an attractive option.

Furthermore, Barella’s fit within Mikel Arteta’s system and a more reasonable price tag, make him a promising addition to Arsenal’s midfield.

 

Versatility: Barella’s ability to play in any of the three central midfield positions provides Arsenal with flexibility and depth in their midfield options.