The Football Ramble's Guide To... Alan Pardew

Some men graft their way to the top thanks to the fruits of their relentless labour, a graceful demeanour and a healthy slice of acknowledged luck. And other men are Alan Pardew - because when you're the king, you can do anything.


Spellso, Mooresey, Jimbo and Dono settle in for a thorough assessment of the perennial FA Cup bridesmaid, as we try to separate the art from the artist. How does Pete feel about his one decent season at Newcastle? Should he have managed England? Can he headbutt?


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Patreon Bonus: Shithouse XI

If there was ever an XI you wouldn't want to play against, it's this one...


On last week's Patreon bonus episode, we had Marcus, Jim and Vish chose their ultimate shithouse XI. From straight-up hardmen, to downright cheats you know these teams will be... pretty formidable!


Enjoyed this teaser? You can hear the full episode by signing up to our Patreon. For just $5 a month, you'll get Discord access and your own ad-free podcast feed with every Ramble show, including Patreon bonuses like this one!


For $10 a month you can get all that plus a video version of every Monday Ramble show, first access to Ramble merch, and a FREE ticket to our exclusive Friend of The Ramble watchalong event of Liverpool vs Manchester City on October 16th in central London.


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Lions Watch: Is Jack Grealish back?

There's good and bad news coming out of Manchester City on this week's Lions Watch.


Marcus and Luke discuss what role Jack Grealish can play at the World Cup after excelling in the Champos! Plus, we wonder how Southgate can replace Kyle Walker if he misses Qatar with injury and decide whether Brother Brendy's take on James Maddison is extra hot or mango and lime.


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The Preview Show: Brother Brendy’s Envelopes

Marcus, Luke, Vish and Jim settle in for another blockbuster Barclays weekend off the back of more midweek madness.


We’ve realised that Pep Guardiola’s biggest fan is in fact Erik ten Hag - now that is Manchester, united. We also wonder if Brendan Rodgers’ envelopes can help them to a win over Bournemouth, check in with a miserly Everton defence and see if West Ham can lift their striker curse.


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On The Continent: Is the Super League back in business?

Florentino Pérez put the European Super League front and centre of his address to Real Madrid’s General Assembly last weekend. Ahead of December’s crucial court ruling, is he quietly gathering more support?


Miguel Delaney joins Dotun and Andy to discuss that, ask how far Luciano Spalletti’s young Neapolitan bucks can go in the Champions League, and assess how screwed Barcelona will be if they don’t make it out of the group stages.


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Ramble Reacts: Liverpool prove… something

Trent Alexander-Arnold answered all the critics who have lambasted his defending in recent weeks by bagging a free-kick and watching Rangers huff n’ puff their way out of the Champions League. Justice!


Elsewhere, Marcus, Luke and Lars Sivertsen check in with the various Champions League results, as Spurs stuttered to a draw and VAR unveiled its magnum opus over in Porto. We also wonder how much you could get for a hyperbaric oxygen chamber on eBay - just that sort of show, I guess.


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The Football Ramble's Guide To... Footballers Acting

Becoming a famous professional in one demanding field is hard enough - but what if you’re just as talented doing a cockney impression as you were with a football? Well, you become an actor!


Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete are here with a rundown of some of the more infamous scene-stealing performances from our favourite footballing thespians. From art imitating Stan Collymore’s life, to Charlie Kane in Blues Brothers and David Beckham as geezers past and present - join us for the crème de la crème!


Got a question? Tweet us @FootballRamble and email us here: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..


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The Ramble: Tom Cairney's magic wand

When Roy Keane tried to end Alf Inge Haaland's career all those years ago, who'd have thought that Liam Gallagher would eventually have the last laugh.


Marcus, Luke and Vish are on hand to pick apart Man City's victory over those squares Man United and Arsenal's cracking North London derby triumph. Elsewhere, Bruno Lage leaves the pack and we jump to Bolivia for a predictably on-brand update.


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Arsenal and Liverpool want to sign the “next Erling Haaland”

Arsenal is currently battling Liverpool for the signature of an 18-year-old striker labelled the “next Erling Haaland.”

Andreas Schjelderup plays for Nordsjaelland, and he is now a mainstay on their first team after scoring 5 goals in 10 games for them this term.

European scouts have been watching him, especially clubs who missed out on a promising young Haaland.

Arsenal is one of them, but Calciomercato reveals they are not alone, with Liverpool also looking to add him to their squad.

The Reds have signed some fine young players recently to gradually replace their ageing squad.

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The NFL Is What We Thought It Was

Last Sunday, Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa was forced to exit the game in the second quarter of Miami’s game with the Buffalo Bills after what looked to anyone watching like a serious blow to the head. Tagovailoa appeared to slam his helmet on the turf after being knocked down by a defensive player, got up, and then wobbled and fell again to his knees.

But Tagovailoa did not stay out of the game for very long. According to the Dolphins head coach Mike McDaniel, he was evaluated by “several layers of medical professionals” for any sign of a head injury, cleared to go, and eventually finished the game.

And then, on Thursday night, this happened:

Prayers for Tua. He was just carted off the field pic.twitter.com/HPv03iqWMU

— allfootball (@allfootball_IG) September 30, 2022

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Premier League manager insists he want to keep Arsenal target

Aston Villa manager Steven Gerrard insists he wants to keep Douglas Luiz amidst interest from Arsenal, even though he admits it would be hard to achieve that.

Luiz is the subject of serious transfer interest from the Gunners, who have been monitoring him.

They made a late swoop for his signature in the last transfer window, but Villa stood their ground and turned down some really good offers for his signature.

The midfielder would be out of contract in the summer, and Mikel Arteta’s side could return for his signature.

Gerrard knows he is a top talent and understands the interest, but Villa remains committed to keeping him.

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“By far Arsenal’s best player in recent times” Arsenal man singled out for special praise

The investigative journalist and Arsenal fan, Usman Mustapha, has heaped praise on Bukayo Saka for his role in Arsenal’s resurgence this season.

The youngster has been a key player for the club since he broke into the first team.

He continues to lead it towards a successful time, and he wants to bring success back to the Emirates.

Arsenal has made a solid start to this season as they sit atop the league standings.

They beat Tottenham 3-1 this afternoon to continue their impressive start to the season.

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Mother Jones Congratulates Judge James Ho on His Decision to Boycott Yale

Have you been following what’s going on at Yale? I haven’t, because I’m 35 years old and didn’t go there. But James Ho, a Trump-appointed judge who sits on the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, has, and he’s pissed. So pissed, in fact, that he has announced in a speech on Thursday that he will no longer hire any clerks from Yale Law School, and is encouraging other judges to do the same.

According to National Review, which broke the story, Ho was upset about a string of recent events at the university where students disrupted conservative speakers, and another incident last year in which the administration censured a member of the campus chapter of the Federalist Society for inviting classmates to a party at his “trap house.”

“Yale not only tolerates the cancellation of views, it actively practices it,” Ho said in his address. Per NR, his remarks continued:

“We’re not just citizens. We’re also customers. Customers can boycott entities that practice cancel culture. . . . I wonder how a law school would feel, if my fellow federal judges and I stopped being its customers. Instead of millions of customers, there are only 179 authorized federal circuit judgeships, and 677 authorized federal district judgeships.”

Ho is mad at the ways in which some students at a private college campus are using their speech to criticize other people’s speech, and so his response is to actually ban anyone from that law school from working in his specific fiefdom of the federal government. It’s a pretty nice illustration of the gulf between what “cancel culture” looks like on television and what it means in practice in 2022.

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“Even before the sending off,” Ben Jacobs argues the red card made no difference

CBS Sports’ Ben Jacobs argues that Arsenal was still on top of their game against Tottenham even when both teams had 11 men on the pitch.

Arsenal beat the Lilywhites 3-1 this afternoon, and one of the turning points in the game was the sending off of Emerson Royal.

Spurs would feel they could have gotten at least a point from the fixture if they didn’t play the closing stages a man down.

However, Jacobs followed the game and insists Arsenal was on top even before the Lilywhites went a man down.

He tweeted:

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Journalist reckons Tottenham based their game plan on cynicism against Arsenal?

Arsenal beat Tottenham 3-1 this afternoon to remain at the top of the Premier League table.

It is a win that shows the Gunners have come off age, and we can now consider them title challengers.

Mikel Arteta’s side delivered one of the finest performances by a team this weekend to show they mean business in the title race.

Spurs were still in the game at halftime after the game ended 1-1 at the interval.

One key moment in the second half was the sending off of Emerson Royal.

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Journalist poses the Arsenal question that has to be asked

TV Journalist Dan Walker has seen enough of this Arsenal team to now ask the question are Arsenal title contenders?

He posed the question after watching the Gunners end Tottenham’s unbeaten start to the season with a 3-1 win this afternoon.

Mikel Arteta’s side is the early pacesetters in the league, but there were doubts in some quarters before this game commenced.

This is because Spurs were unbeaten and United defeated the Gunners in their first game against a fellow top-six side.

Arsenal rose to the occasion and shocked their doubters with a commanding performance.

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Two Texas Men Are Accused of Killing a Migrant. Their Governor Blames Joe Biden.

Earlier this week, two West Texas men—one of whom was a former warden of a migrant detention center—were arrested and charged with manslaughter in the death of a Mexican national who had recently crossed over the border. An affidavit filed by a Texas Ranger alleged that Michael Sheppard, the now-former warden, and his brother Mark, came across a group of 13 Mexican migrants drinking from a reservoir on Tuesday, while driving their truck through a sparsely inhabited area south of the town of Sierra Blanca. When the Sheppards saw the group, the affidavit alleged, “The driver leaned on the hood of the vehicle and fired two shots from a firearm at the group,” and then “re-entered the vehicle and fled the scene.” 

Two people were shot—one man died at the scene, and a woman was transported to a hospital in El Paso with a stomach wound. According to the affidavit, members of the group told federal agents who responded to the shooting that “they overheard one of the males shout something in Spanish to the effect of, ‘Come out you sons of bitches, little asses!’ then revved the engine of the truck.” That was when the shooting started.

The two brothers told investigators that they had been in the area, and they had fired shots, but maintained that they’d shot at animals—the story changed from grouse, to ducks, to javelinas—and that they didn’t believe it was at the same location as the shooting. Curiously, they neglected to check to see whether they had actually shot anything, and instead quit their hunting expedition to attend a county water board meeting.

But according to Marfa Public Radio, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has found his own culprit for the shooting of two migrants: President Joe Biden. Per MPR:

In a statement, a spokesperson for Gov. Greg Abbott’s office called the shooting a “terrible tragedy” and said “violence of any kind will not be tolerated in Texas,” but also tied the shooting to the president’s border policies.

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“Total domination” Journalist delighted with Arsenal’s win over Tottenham

Give Me Sports Alex Batt, has reacted to Arsenal’s 3-1 win against Tottenham this afternoon.

The Gunners went into the game as the top-ranked team in the Premier League.

Having failed their first big test by losing 3-1 to Manchester United, everyone was waiting to see how they would perform in this game.

Mikel Arteta’s side had a point to prove and vengeance on their minds after Spurs beat them to end their top-four hopes last season.

Arsenal rose to the occasion and won the game despite being pegged 1-1 at halftime.

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“Building something very special” BBC journalist reacts to “strong” Arsenal performance

Arsenal has just earned a huge win against Tottenham. The 3-1 scoreline suggests it was a routine win, but it wasn’t.

Mikel Arteta’s side had to work very hard against one of the unbeaten clubs in the league this season.

They earned their reward with the win, and it is yet another show of how developed this Arsenal team is.

They relentlessly pressed Tottenham into submission in key areas of the game and earned their points, which keeps them at the top of the league table and opens a 4 points lead over their neighbours.

This Arsenal team is much more confident and different from the one many of us have become used to, and BBC’s Jonny Bentley admits Mikel Arteta is building something special at the Emirates.

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Arsenal comfortably beat our noisy neighbours Spurs in four-goal thriller

Arsenal have earned a much-deserved 3-1 win over Tottenham Hotspur in today’s North London Derby clash to move four points clear at the top of the Premier League table.

It was normal service resumed today with our team playing their usual up-tempo attacking football, and Spurs will to allow us to come at them was always a risk.

Our opening goal came thanks to a wonderous strike from Thomas Partey, with Tottenham granting the Ghanaian way too much space on the edge of the box to pick his spot.

Our lead was short-lived however after a mean counter-attack was turned into a penalty kick thanks to an unnecessary lunge by Gabriel Magalhaes which brought down his international counterpart Richarlison, with Harry Kane firing down the middle to beat his Three Lions’ team-mate.

While we went into the break level, the feeling remained positive knowing that if things continued as they were, we should have no issue picking up all three points, and we didn’t have to wait long after the restart before Gabriel Jesus took full advantage of the mistake by Hugo Lloris, as he tussled his way beyond both Christian Romero and the keeper to tuck the ball into the net.

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