“You’re Not Doing a Prank,” Tucker Carlson Tells Man Pranking Him

Noted thumb resembler Tucker Carlson, erstwhile Fox host, defender of white boys’ honor in battle, television’s largest baby, the guy with a fixed look you can only call “constiperplexed”—they say he’s smart. I have things to do, so I don’t watch his vlog, but I’ve read enough YouTube titles like “Tucker Carlson DEMOLISHES Antifa Ukraine Supporter” to get the deal: Tuck shreds the lies of the Judeo-Bolshevik deep state by saying what others won’t, plus Kate Middleton updates.

Tucker just got got. Bad. It was the Kate Middleton updates.

Background: Kate Mid-Vibes, daughter-in-law of Charles from The Crown, is missing, dead, or on strike; theories abound, especially after wire services pulled an “infamous edited photo” of a studiously normal Kate gilded by her three kids. My colleague Julianne McShane:

It all began when Kensington Palace announced in January that Catherine, the Princess of Wales, had undergone “planned abdominal surgery,” would be in the hospital for up to two weeks, and was “unlikely to return to public duties until after Easter.” As the weeks ticked by and she wasn’t spotted in public, various theories on her whereabouts—and her well-being—began to percolate: Was she getting treatment for an eating disorder? Had she been a victim of domestic abuse? Were she and William on the brink of divorce? Is she even alive? Or is she simply recovering from a Brazilian butt lift? (Yes, really.)

Tucker TV was minding its own business exposing white genocide when two whistleblowers wrote to say they knew how the Middleton pic was edited—because they’d done it. They had proof: one offered a royal job contract with “a clause stating that the palace had a right to amputate one of his limbs should he fail his probation period.” In principle, UK labor law discourages this. But Tucker promptly put them on his show, which runs on X, Elon Musk’s Great Replacement blog.

Not that Tucker’s people are lazy rubes; he seems like a guy who would make you work weekends, which means less time to catch up on changes in England since 1215. Or they thought the limb-chopping was an Anglo-Saxon return to form.

It’s still not clear what’s up with Katie Mids, but don’t go to Tucker for that. Instead, consider InfoWars, which is like if Timothy McVeigh wrote the X-Files. The mainstream media won’t tell you Kate’s on Zeta Reticuli. They don’t even know where that is.

In the event, the “whistleblowers” were a couple of pro-am pranskters with a million and a half YouTube followers—here’s the story from Deadline and the clip. Carlson tells the one on the show that he’s not a fake, which he is; and that he, Tucker, isn’t being pranked, which he is. Royal news may not be his strength. His strength is a damp-eyed segment on Afrikaner heroism that runs on loop at a Cybertruck dealership.

Kate, if you’re reading this, hit us on Signal.